Elin Nordegrin Knocks a Big One Down

Yesterday Your Mama done missed the the celebrity real estate boat. While we prattled on about Paris Hilton's old house in L.A. and deceased playboy Gunter Sachs' very contemporary Manhattan townhouse all the globe's other property gossips starting with TMZ went gaga over the news Elin Nordegrin knocked down the North Palm Beach, FL mansion she bought not quite a year ago for, as per the property records we peeped, $12,250,000.

Miz Nordegrin is, of course, the former Swedish nanny who married and procreated with philandering professional golfer Tiger Woods. Sometime in 2009 when Missus Woods wised up and figured out her dear huuzbund was sleeping with hussies–ahem, excuse us–women all over the United States of America she snatched up the kids, lawyered up and was granted somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 (or so) million bucks from her divorce decree. Miz Nordegrin reportedly now dates financier Jamie Dingman, a globe-trotting son of a billionaire who also, rather ironically and allegedly, got bizzy with VIP lounge hostess Rachel Uchitel,

The Palm Beach County Tax Man's records also show the original ocean front mansion, the one Miz Nordegrin knocked down, was built in 1932 and measured in at a rather monstrous 17,178 square feet with 2 fireplaces, 7 car garage parking, 8 bathrooms, and an elevator. At the front of a the house two gated drives met in a massive motor court at at the back a stone terrace with in-ground swimming pool and elevated spa hugged the house. A broad lawn ringed by half a dozen palm trees and sliced in two by a wide walkway that extended from the terrace to a small sunbathing deck set into thick foliage above the beach and to a private stair to the sand and surf.

That's all gone now, of course, soon to be replaced with whatever visions Miz Nordegrin and her team of smart architects and nice, gay (or maybe lady) decorators conjure up as her post-divorce dream house. The folks at TMZ managed to get their hands on a small cache of photographs of the house taken mostly from inside the gates during and after the demolition.

A little digging around on the Palm Beach County Tax Man's website and Your Mama discovered Miz Nordegrin's 2011 tax bill was $240,435, a staggering amount of money for most people for sure but, we imagine, much less we imagine that she'll have to cough up once her new (and probably more valuable) house is finally finished.

Ex-Missus Woods and the erstwhile couple's two young kiddies currently (and reportedly) shack up in a nearby ocean front condo she leased for the duration of the demolition and construction of her new(er and presumably better) mansion. As far as we know Miz N. still owns and maintains a luxury apartment in Stockholm's upscale Östermalm neighborhood as well as a rustic, accessible only by boat retreat on Falgaro Island near Stockholm.

aerial photo: Bing

Rent Paris Hilton's Real Estate Sloppy Seconds

The guys and gals over at Trulia Luxe reported earlier today that tabulebrity and reality television denizen Paris Hilton's former Los Angeles, CA party pad is up for temporary grabs at $16,000 per month, recently reduced from its original asking price of $20,000 per month.

Listing photos for the 1920s Spanish-style casa, perched just above the Sunset Strip on North King's Road, show the interior of the house just about exactly as it appeared when Miss Hilton occupied the house in the mid-Aughts, the white hot pinnacle of her gossip glossy ubiquity that sprang forth fully formed the well-timed leak of a home-made sex tape released in 2003 just before the premiere of her first (and wildly successful) reality show The Simple Life with former b.f.f. Nicole Richie. In August 2007, in the wake of 20-some days spent in the slammer for a probation violation that stemmed from a 2006 drunk driving incident, the then ever-present paparazzi who lurked around her house compelled young Miss Hilton to decamp her Sunset Strip digs and drop $5,900,000 on her current home, a much larger, 7,493 square foot mock-Med (mc)mansion in the guard gated Mulholland Estates community high in the mountains between Beverly Hills and Sherman Oaks.

Anyhoo, it appears to Your Mama that either Miss Hilton's real estate agent—her also (semi-)famous uncle Mauricio Umansky, smoldering co-star on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—is utilizing old photos of the house from when it was done up in a classic, post-millennial High Hollywood Nightclub style or the current owners acquired the home fully decorated and haven't touched a god damn thing, not even the multiple, larger than life-sized portraits of Miss Hilton.

Now listen, cinnamon sticks, we know Miss Hilton had her day at the celebrity races and that for a good number of years the sometimes naughty-acting and occasional law-breaker held firm to the pole position amongst all the other many celebutantes who competed for attention from the celebrity "news" media. For chrissakes, she (and a sex tape) single-handedly launched Kim Kardashian into international infamy simply by association. 

That said, let's get honest for a moment, shall we? Beehawtcha Hilton, despite the almost violent media hysteria and vast money-making that her tabloid-tracked life generated, the lady's reign as the queen of the gossip glossies has done waxed and waned, at least for now. A low profile for the next few years, some intensive acting lessons, and a crackerjack agent who can gently bring her back with small but choice roles on both the tee-vee and silver screen might put her back on top of the heap. For now, however, Miss Hilton will have to make due with a slightly less high profile existence as a glamour puss businesswoman who heads up a billion dollar empire of fragrances, apparel and other Paris-branded products. Miss Hilton may be an heiress to a hotel fortune but she is also a mogul in her own right.

Listen children, we don't mean any disrespect to anyone but even a property gossip like Your Mama has certain standards. We're not talking about the house itself. Oh no, it's a fine Spanish style house built in 1926 and nestled into a steep hillside well above the street with gated off-street parking, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, updated systems and innards, and a small but flat back yard with swimming pool, wee patch of grass, and a couple of high-glam poolside tent cabanas. We love love love all the archways, the easy-peasy flow from in- to outdoors, and the fab staircase in the entry would be magnificent without all the decorative tarting up. There's also a desirable separate guest wing and home office, according to the listing, and one of the 4 bedrooms has been converted to the "ultimate" boutique-like dressing room and closet.

But, hunties, unless they've been removed, listing photos still show a stripper pole in the middle of the living room, dizzying wallpaper in the breakfast room, and a fully mirrored bathroom that would easily drive a drinker to take up dope. And did we mention the multiple, over-sized sexpot portraits of Paris Hilton? Yes, well there are those too.


One hopes the current owners, a couple from Texas as we may or may not correctly recall who paid $3,865,000 for the house according to property records, have pared down and cleared out the worst decorative offenses; A stripper pole? Really? Your Mama ain't no prude, puppies, but a stripper pole in the living room? Pleeze.

It's our opinion, which isn't worth a god damn thing, minus the shrine-like day-core Miss Hilton's former home would likely lease in a hot minute for sixteen thousand a month. Yes, that's an ass load of money to spend on the rent but no, children, it's not even remotely unusual for similar (and smaller) houses in prime areas of Los Angeles to rent for that amount of money.

Howevuh, iffin the day-core indeed remains all but unaltered from Miss Hilton's residency as is shown in the current listing photos—y'all will forgive Your Mama if this is offensive to anyone—we can't help but ask what sort of douche bag spends sixteen grand a month to live in Paris Hilton's sloppy real estate seconds and is that the kind of chap or chippie one really wants as a tenant in a multi-million dollar plus investment property? You decide. There is, as they say in real estate, a lid for every pot and at the right price—whatever it may be—there's certainly some salt for this pepper.


listing photos: The Agency via Trulia

Gunter Sach's Estate To Unload A Rare Paul Rudolph Residence in New York City

SELLER: Estate of (Fritz) Gunter Sachs
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $38,500,000
SIZE: (approximately) 10,000 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: True confession: our incessant (re)search into the real estate activities of celebrities sometimes gets dull and we end up gathering wool with our own real estate fantasies and touch stones. We're not complaining, we're just saying a job is a job and sometimes it's nice to mentally escape into our own real estate desires. Thing is, ask anyone who knows Your Mama well and they'll (probably) sigh with exhaustion then tell you our (probably too frequent) personal real estate meanderings often border on a (probably) unhealthy obsession that funnels us directly into time consuming black holes of real estate fantasy. Our latest and very powerful property preoccupations are a positively puny but colorful two-room garret with a damn near microscopic balcony on the Rue Chapon in Paris and, because we are soon on our way to New York City and have The Big Apple on our brain, a still au courant architectural tour de force townhouse on the Upper East Side. The townhouse, brought to our attention in an early November (2011) article in the Wall Street Journal by well-connected real estate journalist Josh Barbanel, was designed in 1966 by dexterous Brutalist architect Paul Rudolph, long owned by members of the global glitterati, and currently listed with a prodigious (but hardly unheard of) price tag of $38,500,000.

Sited mid-block on a leafy stretch of East 63rd Street between Park and Lexington Avenues, the aggressively contemporary 4-story Rudolph-designed residence was originally commissioned by a couple of high-style gentlemen named Alexander Hirsch and Turner Lewis. The Misters Lewis and Hirsch unloaded the very spare but not bare townhouse in the mid-1970s to Roy Frowick, the über-iconic fashion designer otherwise known as Halston who frequently entertained a decadent parade of hard-partying and high-flying famous folks like Bianca Jagger, Liza Minnelli, Elizabeth Taylor and Andy Warhol.

Mister Halston in turn sold the townhouse in 1990 to Italian industrialist Gianni Agnelli and German-born photographer Gunter Sachs, an avid astrology buff, international bon vivant, and scion to the Opel automobile dynasty. At some point Herr Sachs bought out Signore Agnelli's half-interest in the townhouse and lined the long and tall walls of the airy rooms with scads of candid photographs of his beau monde social circle and a contemporary art collection that could easily make a lesser collector of contemporary art puke with envy.

Who among the children can name three of the big name artists whose work can be seen in the listing photographs? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

In addition to his art-filled townhouse in Manhattan, thrice married Mister Sachs, who spent a few years during the swinging sixties hitched to blond bomber turned reclusive animal rights activist Brigitte Bardot, owned a chalet in the hoity-toity Swiss ski resort of Gstaad. In May 2011, after diagnosed with what he described in a suicide note as a "hopeless illness," Mister Sachs put a gun to his own head. He further explained in his suicide note, "the loss of mental control over my life was an undignified condition, which I decided to counter decisively."

Take a moment to absorb that iffin you need to...

Moving along now, the Hirsch-Lewis/Halston/Agnelli-Sachs/Sachs townhouse appears as an electric shock of steel and smoked glass on an otherwise fairly staid and mostly featureless block of dignified (if ho-hum) brick buildings. However, the first thing an automobile owning New Yorker might notice about the house is not the meticulously taut and rather severe architecture of the facade but the curb cut and private garage, a very special sort of rare, hideously expensive and insanely desirable luxury in a city piled high with every kind of very rare and hideously expensive luxury. The floor plan included with online listing and marketing materials shows the garage, just spacious enough to accommodate one fairly large automobile, includes a wall of closet storage, a washer and dryer and two direct entrances the house, one to the foyer and the other to the decent sized and not doubt well-equipped but isolated and windowless kitchen.

Listing information doesn't indicate the size of the townhouse–earlier reports on the house state it's around 10,000 square feet–but does show there are a total of 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, 3 living rooms on 3 floors, 2 kitchens, one elevator that stops on all 4 floors, one nearly hidden office, and an (approximately) 1,600 square foot roof terrace.

The front door opens into a long foyer/gallery with charcoal-colored slate flooring and art gallery white walls lined with dozens of identically matted and framed black and white photographs (above). A death defying floating staircase constructed primarily of steel offers no handrail for the aged, inform or drunk and switches back up to the townhouse's upper levels. The long entrance gallery narrows as it passes the elevator, laughably small coat closet, and discreetly located powder pooper before it explodes open into a cavernous, multi-level, living/dining room with a gasp-producing 32-foot high ceiling with massive sky light.

The slate tile floors under foot in the dining area give way to long strips of polished oak floors in the living room that includes a fireplace flanked by a deep niche where open are shelves lined with vintage camera equipment and Campbell's soup cans and various other Warholian things. A towering wall of glass gives way to a compact but high-impact bamboo garden. A second, even more dramatic floating staircase ascends to a loft/den that overlooks the living room and wraps around to the rear of the residence to the first (and least private) of three (smallish) guest bedrooms that each have somewhat limited closet space but an attached bathroom.

The second floor, street facing master suite (above, top) has soaring double-height ceiling, a 20-foot(ish) long corridor lined on one side with closets, and a long (and unfortunately windowless) bathroom (not shown in listing photos). A connected but separate closet-lined dressing room also has direct access to the elevator/stair hall, a well-conceived utility that means hair stylists, personal shoppers, and Keiko the mani-pedi gal need not enter the owner's most intimate chamber in order to do their bizness and work their various magics on the home's owner.

A spacious casual living room on the top floor includes a free-standing bar, wee (windowless) kitchenette, a large walk-in storage closet, and a wide floor-to-ceiling window and solid full-height door that gives way to the roof terrace, a vast (if not particularly private) expanse of outdoor space far larger than the interior area of many if not most Manhattan apartments. We love the collage-style collection of personal photographs that make a complex visual pattern on the rear wall but we think the room would benefit substantially from a pitched ceiling and/or sky light and a large, hand-woven silk rug placed under the main sitting area near to the windows.


Some of the more traditional townhouses in the immediate area are owned, as per property records, by big-living folks like Diandra Douglas–she's Michael's ex-wife, film producer Barbara Broccoli–she's Cubby's daughter, Daisy Prince–she's Hal's daughter, the government of Bulgaria, and Andrew Cogan–he's the director of Knoll who lives in a 19th century townhouse with an insane, thoroughly modern masonry screen facade designed and added in 1956 by architect Edward Durrell Stone. 

listing photos and floor plan: Corcoran

Dan Cortese Files for Divorce and (Re-)Lists Malibu Mansion

SELLER: Dan and DeeDee Cortese
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $2,949,000
SIZE: 6,322 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: There are a number of reasons regular people and rich and famous folks in particular sell there homes. Besides the all too frequent and often incurable cases of The Real Estate Fickle there are what's known in real estate industry lingo as The Three Ds: death, diapers and divorce. In the case of television presenter and actor Dan Cortese–that's pronounced core-tez and not core-teez, thank you very much–and his real estate agent wife DeeDee, married since 1994, it's divorce. Perhaps (and probably) having something to do with the impending dissolution of their near 20-year marriage Mister and Missus Cortese have (re-)listed their Malibu, CA mansion with an asking price of $2,949,000.

The chisel-chinned, wisp slim, and fiddle fit Mister Cortese, a fratty sort of fella who might call friends and strangers alike "bro," started up his ladder of fame in the early 1990s and through mid-1990s as the jocky host of MTV Sports. That success led to recurring roles on a number of sitcoms and evening (melo)dramas that include Melrose Place, The Single Guy, Veronica's Closet, What I Like About You, and Surviving Suburbia. Along the way Mister Cortese hosted a couple of (very) short-lived game shows (My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad, Crash Course) and appeared in a number of made for the boob-toob movies (Ball & Chain, Brain Trust) and on the silver screen in silly movies we've never heard of and hope never to be subjected (Everybody Wants to Be Italian, Soccer Mom). In addition to purveying property in Malibu, soon to be ex-Missus Cortese paints portraits of children.

The erstwhile Corteses acquired their then brand spanking new gated mini-estate in Malibu, nestled into a short cul-de-sac of like-minded mansion due north of Point Dume, in April 1998 for an undisclosed price, or at least a price we couldn't tease up out of the internet with a few minutes' effort.

As it turns out Mister and soon to be ex-Missus Cortese first hoisted their mock-Mediterranean manse on the market in May (2011) with a slightly higher price tag of $3,250,000. Information readily available on StreetEasy shows the property was put in escrow in early October but the deal, alas, quickly came to naught and by Halloween the house was back on the market.

Listing information shows the C-shaped two-story pile, which sits on .82 acres and curls around a parking lot-sized gated motor court with attached 3-bay garage, measures 6,322 square feet and includes, in the main and attached guest houses, a total of 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, and 3 fireplaces.

The double-height foyer has a sweeping staircase with scrolled wrought iron banister and several wide archways that lead to the various rooms of the house that include a formal living room with fireplace and French doors with backyard access and a formal dining room with tiled floor, French doors and, framed in a faux stone archway, a wall mural that depicts some Italian seaside scene, probably someplace in Sicily where Mister Cortese's people come from. We are certain there are those children who will find the wall mural charming or quaint or Old World or whatever but, generally speaking, we find wall murals decoratively despicable. We're sure there's a hard and fast rule about such thing in Your Mama's Big Book Of Decoratin' Dos and Don'ts but we just cain't be bothered to look it up right now.

Anyhoo, another archway connects the formal dining room to the family quarters that include a generous breakfast room with backyard access and, through yet another stone encrusted archway, a sizable center-island kitchen with vaulted ceiling criss-crossed by wood beams (that look to our untrained eye like they were painted to look rustic and old but really are neither of those things), brown and beige flecked granite counter tops, a plethora of high-grade stainless steel appliances including separate full-sized fridge and freezer that flank the six burner range, and miles of raised panel cabinetry done up with articulated pediments, fluted columns and a mottled faux finish. 

The nearby family room has another fireplace, wood floors, French doors that swing open to a large entertainment terrace that overlooks the resort-style backyard and, for the hooch hounds, a built-in wet bar with granite counter tops and a couple of cushioned wrought iron stools. Listing information shows the house also includes a den, attached guest/staff quarters, and office, and interior laundry room.

The second floor includes various family and guest bedrooms and bathrooms that include the Cortese bambinos' theme decorated bedrooms, his like a surf shack/tiki hut and hers all pink and princess-like. A small, semi-circular sitting room adjacent to the master has narrow arched windows and a wee balcony that allow for a panoramic over the tree tops view that includes a sliver of the Pacific Ocean. The spacious (but far from huge) master suite offers a high ceiling, a curvaceous fireplace, French doors that open to a private covered balcony with mountain view, and a classic (and cliché) mock-Med mcmansion-style bathroom with elaborate custom cabinetry, twin sinks and vanities, a vaulted ceiling, and a separate shower and soaking tub for two.

Kitty Hazclaus, a phrase-turning real estate insider with whom we're acquainted in The Bu summed it up best perhaps when she briefly but cattily described the over all decorative scheme of the Cortese crib to Your Mama as, ""Like Costco and Victoria Gotti designed a signature line of furnishings." Did any of y'all gasp out loud the first time you read that like Your Mama did? Have mercy and pass the nerve pills, please. We remain in breathless awe of the bare naked and wicked wicked wicked sharpness of Miz Hasclaus' assessment of the situation but we can't really argue with her tough judgement since she's sort of pinned the tail on the donkey, you know? Then again we would never, ever, in a million years disagree publicly with out Miz Hazclaus because, well, as y'all can see, the old bird has a rather withering tongue.

Moving along into the outdoor areas at that encompass numerous and various patios, balconies and terraces that extend off both the upper and lower levels of the rear of the house. Steps from the main terrace off the kitchen descend into a thicket of pencil-thin palm trees that surround the elevated party-sized spa and lagoon-shaped swimming pool. Some of the stone paved terraces around the spa and pool have built-in bench seating and others are better suited for pool-side dining and sun basking. Well-watered lawns swoop, swirl and undulate around the swimming pool and spa and provide plenty of room for an assorted number of outdoor activities that could (but do not, as far as we can tell, currently include) a shuffleboard court, horse shoe pit, and super-sized sand box. Some things for the next owner to think about as they consider what they might do to customize the property.

listing photos: Coldwell Banker / Malibu West

New Year's Mish Match Catch Up: The Rybolovlev Girl

Just before the winter holidays property gossips around the globe went plum berserk with the undeniably astonishing news that Russian multi-billionaire Dmitry Rybolovlev dropped a stomach-knotting and record-busting $88,000,000 to purchase a posh penthouse pad atop the lordly, limestone-clad 15 Central Park West building in New York City. The nearly 7,000 square foot park view penthouse and its gigantic wrap around terrace, designed by Robert A.M. Stern and decorated in high style by Mica Ertegun, was reportedly purchased for his flaxen-haired and equestrian-minded 22-year old daughter Ekaterina to use as a "crash pad" when she visits The Big Apple.

Imagine children, being an otherwise low-profile 22-year old beau monde heiress who reportedly studies an unnamed subject in an unnamed part of the United States and owns an eighty-eight million dollar pied-a-terre where the monthly maintenance alone is probably more than a minimum wage domestic worker earns in an entire year? It boggles the mind really, don't it?

Anyways, soon came rumor and report that the fertilizer oligarch and mining magnate, who is in the midst of an acrimonious (and expensive) dee-vorce and just acquired a majority stake in the AS Monaco professional soccer team, snatched up a second apartment in the building to house young Miss Rybolovleva's traveling security detail. Of course, children, these lavish livers don't buy staff apartments like ordinary rich people. No way José. Instead they purchase, according to various New York City real estate chroniclers, a low-floor, two bedroom and two-point-five bathroom apartment with a hefty even for most multi-millionaires $8,395,000 price tag.

Listing information for the apartment in question shows the third floor unit features chevron pattern hardwood floors, over-sized windows, marble sheathed bathrooms, 10 closets, walnut cabinetry in the well-equipped galley-style eat-in kitchen, and a laundry closet in the foyer. Believe it or not, sugar bombs, a laundry closet in the foyer is better than not having one at all in a New York City apartment, even in an eight million dollar New York City apartment. Common charges and taxes run $3,782 per month, a lot of money by most standards but not so much for a billionaire or an eight and some million dollar apartment.

Subsequent to reports on the (alleged) purchase of a second apartment at 15 Central Park West Mister Rybolovlev's official spokesperson released a statement to the New York Observer that reads:

"Neither Dmitry Rybolovlev, nor his daughter Ekaterina Rybolovleva, nor any companies connected to them have purchased apartment 3F at 15 Central Park West, New York City. The reports suggesting that they have are completely inaccurate. There have never been any plans or even any discussions about purchasing this apartment."

Interestingly, and perhaps or maybe not coincidentally, apartment 3F no longer appears listed as "in contract" on the real estate helper site StreetEasy. Make of that what you will dollies.

listing photos and floor plan: Brown Harris Stevens

New Year's Mish Mash Catch Up: Brangelina

Before any of you people get your under panties in a wad about Your Mama using the tie-erd term Brangelina to refer to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie know deep in your snarky souls that we use it very reluctantly and only in the service of keeping the headline to just one line, okaaay? Moving along...

Over the weekend came the surprising celebrity real estate news that Oscar-winning actress/director and global do-gooder Angelina Jolie bought her man-mate Brad Pitt a piece of land with a waterfall outside of Los Angeles, CA where he can realize his real estate and architectural dream of designing and erecting a cantilevered Falling Water-like residence. Miz Jolie, ever the thoughtful (and deep pocketed) Life Partner and co-parent, allegedly purchased the waterfall and surrounding acreage as a combination holiday and 48th birthday present for Mister Pitt.

An unidentified source, "a friend" of the generally pretty private pair told the the UK's dishy tab The Daily Mail that Mister Pitt, a surprisingly knowledgeable architecture and design fanatic, "has dreamed of a home with the sound of a waterfall cascading under the house." The source went on to explain Mister Pitt "wants to pull all aspects of nature, light, glass and varying levels into the concept. No further details were given as to the topography or whereabouts of the waterfall endowed spread other than it being "near LA."

Hmm. Unfortunately Your Mama has no specific knowledge or inside intel on this one but does anyone else smell an unsubstantiated celebrity real estate rat?

The Jolie-Pitts, as far as Your Mama knows, already own and maintain a fair (but shrinking number) of homes around the globe that include a just about self-contained 1,000-ish acre spread in the South of France, a remote Cambodian retreat, a townhouse mansion in New Orleans, LA, a (spectacular) ocean front compound near Santa Barbara, CA, and a multi-parcel compound in the Los Feliz area of Los Angeles, CA. Mister Pitt sold his bluff-top Malibu modern last month (December 2011) to the voracious and seemingly insatiable property collector Ellen Degeneres and her lady-wife Portia De Rossi who themselves have their superstar-style compound in Beverly Hills, CA on the market with a blistering $49,000,000 price tag.

New Year's Mish Mash Catch Up: Lady Gaga

All the celebrity real estate gossips were abuzz and atwitter last week over the rather bizarre rumor that international superstar Lady Gaga was house shopping in the sleepy, suburban and very unlikely locale of Lititz, PA.

So the rumor went, Miss Gaga went on a house hunt in the same neck of the Amish Country from where her new(ish) man friend Taylor Kinney hails. Mister Kinny is, of course, the beau hunky actor who works his six-pack abs on the Vampire Diaries program. Gee-awd, aren't the teens and tweens d.o.n.e. with vampire stories yet? We sure are.

Anyhoodles poodles, the house all the gossips reported Miss Gaga toured is a very traditional 6,138 square foot stone-built mansion in the upscale Bent Creek Country Club listed at $1,699,000. Listing information for the faux English Manor-style manse shows the two-story home was built in 2007 with4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, 3 fireplaces and a 3 car attached garage.

Thing is, puppies, not only did Miss Gaga not buy the house Lititz, PA, she never even stepped a 47-inch high hoof-heeled shoe in the house. Yes, she had previously been spotted in the area–Mister Kinney's family lives nearby it seems–but turns out listing agent Anne Lusk, who like Miss Gaga has long blond hair, is a bit of a sartorial daredevil–not unlike Miss Gaga–and was spotted at the house wearing a leopard coat and funky shoes and someone, for some reason, jumped the gun and reported to someone else that Miss Gaga was house hunting.

As far as we know Miss Gaga lives in hotels–or perhaps has a high-priced rental in lower Manhattan–but has not actually bought any real estate anywhere with her new-found extreme wealthh. There are scads of rumors and (unsubstantiated) reports–including on this here blog–she's building a house on a secluded waterfront property on Martha's Vineyard but we can't prove it.

listing photo: Prudential Lancaster Real Estate